Thursday, 14 June 2012

Bald and Evil?

So here's the thing. After a fairly in depth Twitter conversation with a friend we have come to a conclusion. The majority of film baddies are BALD and EVIL.

If you are bald you are almost definitely pre-programmed to be evil. (Which means the majority of my family are up shit creek without a paddle, I digress...)

Let's start with Marvel shall we?

It seems to me that Marvel believe a lack of follicle prowess is the key element in giving baddies that 'Hard Guy' edge. Without a shining dome of a skull they'd look as cute as pussy cats. Obadiah with long golden locks wouldn't get him far in Stark Industries.... unless Tony mistook him for a lovely lady. 

Exhibit un: KINGPIN

            • Hates Spiderman
            • Massively tall
            • Massively fat
            • Sumo
            • Bald
            • Evil

Exhibit deux: BULLSEYE

            • Hates Daredevil
            • Averagely tall
            • Not fat but pretty heavy (adamantium be some weighty shit)
            • Scarred head
            • Bald
            • Evil

But WAIT, new incoming epiphany....


There are GAZZILIONS OF THESE WEIRD, BALD, EVIL GITS. So many of these bad guys that I can't be bothered to prove this particular point any further. If you're that intrigued look it up yourself.

To all you pernickety pedants out there... YES I KNOW! Some characters use their baldness for a good cause (Prof X, Fury....Patriot.....). See? I'm trying to make a list of good bald guys here and I'm struggling. STRUGGLING. 

Anyway. But what my friend and I discovered, that fateful Twitter filled night, was 'Why Stop at Marvel?'

Voldermort #baldandevil

Pan's Labyrinth #baldandevil

Dr Evil #baldandevil


Sheldon J. Plankton #baldandevil

It's a fun game. Give it a try. 

Peace and Love. Over n Out.

Wednesday, 28 March 2012

The train journey and the hairy top lip

Hello again,

So I know I've already posted today but I'm new and so treated the last as a practice round. That and I just drew a picture.

Sat on the train watching the beautiful sunny countryside go by, a little something caught my peripheral vision.... THE HAIRIEST TOP LIP I HAVE EVER SEEN (and therefore the hairiest top lip in the world). I wrote a poem about it literally behind the woman's back. It was covert, short lived and unplanned. I don't proclaim to be the next Byron I just scribbled in my special book in carriage D. 

To the woman with the hairiest top lip in the world.

I'm sorry dear lady
but surely you've noticed
the caterpillar perched on your top lip.

OK, so you're old
and have a bad hip,
a sufferer of 'old age' no less
'hip' than a Kath Kidston blanket.

And yes you could thank it,
that little bug he's snuggled right there
as if your face were a rug...
or that Kath Kidston blanket.

Your eyes are blue yet grey
and betray your kind nature.
Just abandon the wildlife on your top lip,
who's on a facial venture.

But maybe you're a kinder heart than me.
Mr Caterpillar is now part of the family. 
Every dinner he cuts the roast chicken or beef or whatever you're eating
At bed you synchronise each other's snores you 'uuuuggghhhh' and he 'hooooorrgghhh'.

I'm sorry dear lady
you must have noticed dear 'Cati' on your top lip.
But I understand the relationship you do share,
and I think it's lovely how much you care.

Second thoughts.... better keep him there. 

Et voila! That was my slapdash poem I wrote yesterday sur le train. Hope it didn't assault your eyeballs.

p.s She looked nothing like the picture I drew. Which turned out to be a cross between Queen Victoria and Granny from Looney Tunes. 
This is going to be a short one.
Brand new blog.... huzzah! Hope you enjoy my blithering and cretinous tales, doodles, poems and whatever else I've created in one of my spontaneous 'arty' (and I use the term loosely) moments. 

I really should leave you with something whoever you are....

So here is a picture I drew for one of my best mates, she is obsessed with owls and I am equally fanatic about foxes. 
(It's not my original design - can't remember where I found it now oops, poor citation skills coming through here)